Friday, January 21, 2005
hey therre. feeling: at peace.
yest durin band, i was out of sorts. there was obviously sumthn wrong wif me n i knew iw as freakin every1 outt. to be honest, part of me wanted tt. to be mean. (the sadist part tt just wanted to make every1 miserable) i was mean to jess. i noe tt. sorry okaes. even tho' i was pretending to be angry and all, still, i did feel it.
these few days haf been weird. i'll be super nice in the morning but by after school, i'll be super mean. shaz told me she was freakin out cuz i was creepy. is it lack of sleep? is it cuz im too tired and my whole body's aching? or im sick of being too nice so da badass part surfaces? wtv it is, its over and today is da only thing tt matters and for today, i feel happy. i feel calm. i feel nice. and i feel like doing good deeds. maybe its da festive spirit. da spirit of purity and everything else. i'm tellin you. i don't feel like causing any harm towards anyone today.
the surroundings are just like a paper backgrnd at a photo shoot- its there but its not affecting you, neither is it affecting anyone else. its JUST there. da music in the backgrnd is so distant tt im not singin along or groovin to it. which is so un-mira.
ive just realised tt usually i'll prattle abt da day, making sumthn big out of a small thing, exaggeratin just to make it sound dramatic enough. bridget jones' style and totally refering to you, the reader. but today, im writin because i need a space wer i can reflect and talk to myself. and today, there is no 'haha' and '...'.
anyway, i cant go to the thnng tmr. mum wants me to stay at home more. sometimes im think she's just lonely. dad's at wk, sis and i got skool. she has no one and nothing to do. and nobody to seek comfort from esp after every ** (you wldnt know.)
serendempugenty. i feel.
i made it known at 10:40 AM
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